Charlie Sheen Enters Rehab: This is a Story?

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) is sorry to report that actor Charlie Sheen has entered rehab...again. Let's all hope the 87th time is the charm because if he isn't careful he's likely to end up all over the tabloids. To help readers grasp this breaking story, MSNBC.com had a very helpful timeline of Charlie's rap sheet that went on for about the web equivalent of about two miles starting with the time he "accidentally" shot the first of his 23 fiancees in 1990, through his testimony at the trial of Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss, with whom he ran up a $50,000 bill and who, CJG is proud to say, is Jewish, to his arrest for beating up his porn star girlfriend, Brittany Ashland, in 1996, to his arrest on domestic violence charges in 2009 to his historic Las Vegas bender with a hooker earlier this month. The good news is that at least fame and money haven't changed him over the years.

Heidi Fleiss, prominent Jewish entrepreneur.

But, you know, anyone's life can sound like a train wreck when you line up small, isolated instances together like that, so MSNBC.com's timeline is really unfair. Take CJG's life, for example. There was the time in 1968 when CJG's little brother broke his hand on CJG's head during a fight over a television show, the argument with his parents over getting a haircut in 1969, the break-up with a girlfriend in 1972 that left bruised feelings all around, the parking ticket in 1979, the minor fender bender in the supermarket parking lot in 1985, and the big argument with his wife a week ago over which brand of marinara sauce is "the usual" one they buy. Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt during that last incident. When you put them side by side CJG's life doesn't sound so much different than Charlie Sheen's, does it?

But here's the big difference: Charlie Sheen could go on beating up and betraying wives, girlfriends, and prostitutes, abusing alcohol and cocaine, and tearing up hotel rooms and, even though CJG is much better looking than Charlie Sheen and almost as famous, there will always be another gorgeous woman waiting to go out with Charlie Sheen because, unlike CJG, he makes two million bucks a week and, as American history expert Michelle Bachmann can attest, his father was president of the United States. Hardly seems fair does it?

President Josiah Bartlet.