Ask Crankyjewishguy Vol. 2: Driver Ed

Today's question comes from Michelle in West Linn, Oregon. She writes:

Dear CJG,
My 16 year-old son starts driver education classes soon and I'm petrified. Should I worry?
Petrified in Portland

Dear Petrified in Portland,
The answer is absolutely yes! Coincidentally, CJG's 15 year-old son starts driver education classes tonight and CJG is plenty concerned. Up 'til now the most dangerous equipment he's operated is a Playstation 3 game controller and now we're about to let him take control of a 4,000 pound vehicle capable of traveling 140 m.p.h. This is compounded by the fact that CJG and his son live in Massachusetts where driving is a contact sport.

To get his son through this nerve-wracking phase, CJG is buying him some special equipment including a football helmet, shoulder pads and a mouth guard. And he's also invested in the safe, secure vehicle pictured here:

While you are right to be concerned, take comfort in the fact that the requirements for getting a driver's license are quite stringent, a lot like becoming a cardiac transplant surgeon. For example, before your son is licensed to operate a motor vehicle he will have to answer questions like this:

When you see this, what should you do?

a) Turn the radio from AM to FM

b) Refill the washer fluid reservoir

c) Stop texting

d) Floor it, lean on the horn and hope for the best

The correct answer, of course, is D.

Now, if your son is Jewish and attended Hebrew School, it is essential that you tell him that all road signs are read left to right, not vice versa. Otherwise, when he sees this...

...he's going to think "POTS" and by the time he realizes his mistake he's going be in the middle of the intersection. If he travels to Israel, don't worry. As usual, the Israelis have thought of everything. Stop signs in Israel look like this:

However, if he sees a sign that looks like this...

...he's gone too far. He needs to turn around slowly and try not to call attention to himself because this sign doesn't mean what you think it does. Israel doesn't have a two man bobsled team.