News of Yesterday in Review

Yesterday, as he waited for his flight to leave sunny Florida and return to the frozen misery of New England, crankyjewishguy (CJG) was perusing the headlines and noted a few that fall into the category of either utterly predictable or mildly bemusing.

For example, "Rumsfeld Defends Handling of Iraq War in New Book." Now there's a whopping surprise. CJG supposes it was too much to hope for a headline that said, "Rumsfeld Takes Blame for Biggest Blunder in American History."

Then there was, "Health Care Repeal Vote Fails in Senate." After promising to focus like a laser on job creation, Republicans in Congress have made it a top priority to force symbolic votes on health care reform they know are going nowhere because Democrats control the Senate and The White House. CJG supposes it was expecting too much to see a headline that said, "Comprehending Reality, GOP Decides to Focus on Actually Accomplishing Something."

Speaking of the Republicans, another headline proclaimed, "GOP Uses Simple Strategy to Deal With Michelle Bachmann." Basically, said the story, the Republican Party is ignoring the Minnesota congresswoman, who is a Republican, and hoping she doesn't make the party look like a bunch of ill-informed right wing whackos. Way too late! That train left the station months ago.

Another headline that caught CJG's eye was, "Asia Welcomes Year of the Rabbit." Well, of course. Why wouldn't they? Especially when you consider this other headline from yesterday's news: "Singapore Prime Minister: Reproduce in Year of the Rabbit." Sounds like this is the year to make that long delayed visit to Singapore! CJG also applauds efforts to grow his fan base in Singapore which, as readers know, is already quite formidable.

Then there was this: "Growing Concern for Charlie Sheen's Kids." CJG can't say he was aware of a national outpouring of concern for Charlie Sheen's kids, or even a local one, and so far Michelle Bachmann hasn't tried to make it a national issue, though she's probably just waiting for the right moment. Of course the story, which you might think would have been about the emotional trauma of having a father who is in rehab for the umpteenth time, focused instead on the fact that though Sheen writes checks for $30,000 to porn stars, he hasn't, according to the kids' mother, set aside money for the children: no trust funds, no college funds. Money would seem to be the least of their problems, don't you think?

And finally, there was the day's most ironic headline: "Mubarak: Chaos If I Quit Now." Look out the palace window, dude! What do you call this?