Real Simple Scores Again

Readers of the blog will recall how much crankyjewishguy (CJG) values the household tips regularly provided by the good people at Real Simple magazine. For those with nothing but time on their hands, it's an incredible resource. For example, if you have a few weeks free, you can fluff your carpets with a dinner fork.

So, CJG was really interested when he saw a Real Simple web feature called "New Uses for Things in the Bathroom." There were 74 of them, but CJG only got up to about 39 before he was overcome with excitement. If you've been fluffing your carpets with a dinner fork, chances are when it comes time to meet your friends at a restaurant, you won't have time for a full shower and shampoo so you can "fake" a shampoo, according to Real Simple, by sprinkling baby powder on your head like a British judge and "combing it to the roots." But, really, can you imagine having so little time you can't spare 30 seconds to wash your hair properly? CJG also liked the suggestion that you can clean the gunk from your tile grout with an electric toothbrush. But it seemed a serious omission not to mention that you should change the toothbrush head when you're done. How did that get by legal? Need to dry your ear canals? A few drops of rubbing alcohol will do the trick, but trust CJG, is you have even a tiny scratch in there it's going to hurt like hell.

But there's no bathroom item that seems to have more uses than dental floss. For those who can't afford $3.99 for a cheese slicer at WalMart, you can use dental floss to slice cheese and hard boiled eggs (do not try on aged parmesan), mend your umbrella when the fabric separates from the metal spines, tie up a chicken or roast, slice a cake horizontally (something CJG has to do every day), or as a thread substitute. Having trouble picturing all this? Here are some visuals (CJG's favorite is the raw chicken):

Using floss to truss the chicken is especially clever since you can use the floss after you've eaten the chicken to clean your teeth or sew on a button. CJG would appreciate it if you didn't tell the people at Real Simple he's using their photos, but since the legal department is asleep at the switch it probably doesn't matter anyway.

All of this inspired CJG to come up with a few tips of his own. For example, you can use your toilet to provide a point of interest in an otherwise bland landscape, though CJG recommends having a back-up plan at home.

Did you know you can also use toothpaste to caulk around your tub? Much easier to use than the real stuff. And, finally, this: if you're making a Blue Hawaiian and run out of Blue Curacao, you can use Vick's NyQuil cold and flu symptom reliever, though you may find your guests nodding off earlier than usual. Bon appetit!