News of Yesterday in Review

Yesterday, as he waited for his flight to leave sunny Florida and return to the frozen misery of New England, crankyjewishguy (CJG) was perusing the headlines and noted a few that fall into the category of either utterly predictable or mildly bemusing.

For example, "Rumsfeld Defends Handling of Iraq War in New Book." Now there's a whopping surprise. CJG supposes it was too much to hope for a headline that said, "Rumsfeld Takes Blame for Biggest Blunder in American History."

Then there was, "Health Care Repeal Vote Fails in Senate." After promising to focus like a laser on job creation, Republicans in Congress have made it a top priority to force symbolic votes on health care reform they know are going nowhere because Democrats control the Senate and The White House. CJG supposes it was expecting too much to see a headline that said, "Comprehending Reality, GOP Decides to Focus on Actually Accomplishing Something."

Speaking of the Republicans, another headline proclaimed, "GOP Uses Simple Strategy to Deal With Michelle Bachmann." Basically, said the story, the Republican Party is ignoring the Minnesota congresswoman, who is a Republican, and hoping she doesn't make the party look like a bunch of ill-informed right wing whackos. Way too late! That train left the station months ago.

Another headline that caught CJG's eye was, "Asia Welcomes Year of the Rabbit." Well, of course. Why wouldn't they? Especially when you consider this other headline from yesterday's news: "Singapore Prime Minister: Reproduce in Year of the Rabbit." Sounds like this is the year to make that long delayed visit to Singapore! CJG also applauds efforts to grow his fan base in Singapore which, as readers know, is already quite formidable.

Then there was this: "Growing Concern for Charlie Sheen's Kids." CJG can't say he was aware of a national outpouring of concern for Charlie Sheen's kids, or even a local one, and so far Michelle Bachmann hasn't tried to make it a national issue, though she's probably just waiting for the right moment. Of course the story, which you might think would have been about the emotional trauma of having a father who is in rehab for the umpteenth time, focused instead on the fact that though Sheen writes checks for $30,000 to porn stars, he hasn't, according to the kids' mother, set aside money for the children: no trust funds, no college funds. Money would seem to be the least of their problems, don't you think?

And finally, there was the day's most ironic headline: "Mubarak: Chaos If I Quit Now." Look out the palace window, dude! What do you call this?

Greetings from Boca! Wish You Were Here!

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) had a pleasant flight to Fort Lauderdale yesterday thanks to smooth air and two of the little white pills he likes to take just before a flight, the ones that help him forget he's inside an aluminum tube going 500 m.p.h. six miles above the earth.  CJG wasn't just happy to get back to terra firma when he landed, he was also reassured to find out that terra firma still exists given that he hasn't actually seen the ground in weeks thanks to snow that is now piled so high it's grazing the window sills on the second floor of his house. CJG, being Jewish, also has to admit to feeling a little bit guilty about coming to Florida one day before the next massive snowstorm moves in, leaving Mrs. CJG and their younger son to fend for themselves during the onslaught. However, before he left, CJG did show Mrs. CJG how to bait the traps, load the hunting rifles and call for Chinese take out, so they should be OK until Thursday when CJG is scheduled to return home with a three-day tan, like this guy, who just happens to be CJG's body double because CJG doesn't do his own stunts.

Sensitive, pensive and thoughtful, CJG requires that his
 body doubles be like him in every way.

Later today CJG has signed up for a spin class and something called "a plastic surgery walking tour" of Boca, a guided tour through the history of tummy tucks, face lifts and breast enhancement surgery that apparently uses random citizens of Boca as models. Sounds quirky, but fun.

A Shout Out to...

Readers of crankyjewishguy (CJG) might find it reassuring to know they are not alone in reading CJG. In fact, CJG seems to be developing quite the international following. So far, he's had visitors from (in no particular order) Canada, Italy, Laos, France, Germany, India, Belgium, Pakistan, The Netherlands, Switzerland, the United Kingdom (thanks Colin Firth!), Brazil, the Czech Republic, the Dominican Republic, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Spain, Luxembourg, Lithuania, Qatar, Algeria, Estonia, Finland, Paraguay, Azerbaijan, Poland, Morocco, Israel, Cambodia, Vietnam, Slovenia, Slovakia, Romania, the Cayman Islands, the Republic of Georgia, Sweden, Norway, New Zealand, The United States, Singapore, Croatia, Russia, Argentina, Nepal, Denmark, China, Mexico, Austria, Ukraine, the United Arab Emirates, Greece, Turkey, Portugal, Peru, Australia, Antigua and Barbuda, Colombia, Ireland, Japan, Hungary, South Africa, Indonesia, Thailand, South Korea, China, Malaysia, Saudi Arabia, Taiwan, Egypt, Bulgaria, El Salvador, Honduras, Guatemala, Iran, Pakistan, Moldova, the Philippines, Brazil and the International Space Station. OK, he didn't really have a visitor from outer space; just making sure you're paying attention. If you've been following CJG for a while, you know he likes to give an occasional shout out to the country, outside North America, with the most visitors to his blog, adjusted, of course, for population size. This was relatively easy at the beginning, but now it requires several hours of calculations to figure out who's winning. Nevertheless, CJG is compulsive enough to want to know the answer and it is...

Singapore! (Apparently they didn't have time to decorate the bottom half of that flag.) Thanks, Singapore! If you send CJG a round trip, first class ticket he'll be happy to make a personal appearance. And if you want to know why CJG is so popular in Singapore, this column by Thomas Friedman in The New York Times offers some clues.