Adios, Herman!

Herman couldn't stand the heat so he got
out of the kitchen.

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) knows that there are millions of readers out there who depend on him for breaking news, so be prepared for this shocker: Herman Cain, beleaguered by accusations of sexual harassment and allegations of extramarital affairs, is “suspending” his presidential campaign, most likely until sometime in the 22^nd century. Republican voters fled Cain in droves as the allegations piled up, preferring instead a candidate with a proven record of marital infidelity, Newt Gingrich. Always seeking new levels of crazy, the GOP base is now just gaga over a disgraced former House speaker forced to leave Congress under an ethical cloud, whereupon he took up residence under another ethical cloud, taking millions in “consulting” fees from clients such as Freddie Mac even as he lambasted politicians for their associations with Freddie Mac lobbyists. In typical GOP fashion, Newt just changed the definition of lobbying so he could say he was never a lobbyist which is like saying water boarding isn’t torture because, well, because we say so. (Now fair is fair, Bill Clinton’s definition of sex excludes oral intercourse.)

Mitt Romney in his days at Bain Capital.

Now the person who must be ready to tear his million-dollar hair out about the latest turn of events in the GOP primary circus is Mitt Romney. As far as anyone knows, Massachusetts’s most handsome politician (sorry Scott Brown!) has been faithful to his wife, but even that’s not paying off as Republicans flee Cain for Gingrich. At least an extramarital affair would prove Romney has something other than ice in his veins. It would actually humanize him. Poor Mitt. If he were a thermostat the temperature would always read below freezing. Which is where his poll numbers are: frozen at 20%.

Actor John Hamm as Mitt Romney in the
remake of "It's a Wonderful Life." At Bain, Mitt
made millions buying companies and slashing
jobs and worker benefits -- a modern day Mr. Potter.

But let’s come back to horny Herman. Anyone who runs for president and doesn’t understand that their past behavior is going to become an issue obviously doesn’t know diddly squat about running for president. Has the guy never watched a previous campaign? And when you have absolutely no public record to talk about, you ‘d better be doubly prepared to have your entire life examined. After all, what else do we have to judge you on? How much pepperoni you put on your Godfather’s pizza? And it doesn’t help when you don’t know China has nukes and you aren’t sure why you disagree with Obama’s Libya policy because you aren’t sure what Obama’s Libya policy is. Cain, now nothing more than a punchline, was once the GOP front runner. What a party!

This Newt is a Weasel

This week, GOP presidential candidate and pompous, self-righteous boor Newt Gingrich attempted to square a circle and explain why he accepted more than $1.5 million in "consulting" fees from Freddie Mac while blasting others who had ties to the mortgage giant. Have people forgotten that Gingrich, a former Speaker of the House, left Congress under an ethical cloud? In 1997, the House voted overwhelmingly to reprimand Gingrich and fined him $300,000, the first time in American history a House speaker was ever reprimanded for ethics violations.

This ultimate Washington insider is now campaigning as the guy we need to change the culture in Washington. Is he kidding? He personifies everything that's wrong with Washington. Yet, he is now the reigning GOP frontrunner because, well, it was his turn. This is, of course, the same guy who was pushing for Bill Clinton's impeachment over a sex scandal at the same time he was cheating on his first wife because, as he later explained, he loves his country so much that he was working too hard on its behalf, got exhausted and then made some bad decisions. Even in North Korea they find his intellectual contortions, phony rationalizations and bogus explanations a bit much as you can see in the photo below as a focus group in Pyong Yang watches Newt during a recent appearance on ABC News.

Ask Crankyjewishguy Vol. 11: Which Way Does the Wind Blow?

As readers of crankyjewishguy (CJG) know, he takes great pleasure in answering questions from readers seeking wisdom and enlightenment, and goodness knows so many CJG readers are. It's sad, really, that this is where they turn for advice because it shows a certain desperation. CJG suspects these lost souls come to him having exhausted their psychiatrists, friends, and rabbis (and other clergy). But there's no doubt they have come to the right place.

Today's question comes, remarkably enough, from GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney. CJG isn't sure if the question is political or meteorological, though.

Dear CJG:

Which way is the wind blowing?

Desperately seeking a compass,

Mitt Romney
On the Road in my Escalade in Iowa

Dear Mr. One-Term Governor of Massachusetts:

What an interesting question from the guy fellow GOP presidential candidate John Huntsman and, CJG might note, fellow member of the Church of Mormon called "a well-lubricated weather vane." Your question is simple on the surface, but perhaps more complex than you realize. But judging from the American flag flying outside the Starbucks where CJG works rent-free he would say, "north at about 8 mph."

But CJG suspects your question is really a philosophical one. In Massachusetts, where the winds tend to blow to the left, you flew the kite of reproductive rights, universal health care and reducing greenhouse gas emissions. Now, running in the GOP primaries where the wind blows right at about 200 mph with occasional gusts to 300 mph, you hoisted the sail of water boarding, climate change denial, repealing health care and the anthropomorphication of corporations. (If you don't know what anthropomorphication means, CJG suggests asking Rick Perry.) With all due respect, CJG suggests you seek out a quiet, windless retreat and try and figure out what you really believe in, if anything. Does that answer your question?

The weather vane atop Mitt Romney's La Jolla
mansion, the one he uses so he can tack
with the political winds.

On a separate note today, CJG notes that the GOP candidate du jour who is not Mitt, Newt Gingrich, acknowledged today that he had a more extensive relationship with Freddie Mac, the U.S. backed mortgage giant, than previously disclosed. Bloomberg is reporting Newt and/or his "consulting" firm received somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.6 to $1.8 in fees for "strategic advice" over a nine to ten year period that ended, ironically enough, in 2008. Given Freddie's role in the 2008 economic collapse, and its enormous debt, CJG surmises that Newt's advice may have been a tad off the mark. But here's the real laugh line; Newt says he wasn't hired as a lobbyist but in his capacity as a historian. Oh, really? One who just happened to be a former Speaker of House of Representatives? Like there weren't any non-government connected historians around? And since Newt's area of expertise, history-wise, seems to be the Revolutionary and Civil Wars, one wonders what expensive advice a mortgage lender would need from such a historian. How to use a musket?

Seriously, does this ring true to you? No doubt Newt will be out there promising that if elected he's going to change the culture in Washington. Sure thing, Newt. It's enough to make CJG want to give Mitt another look and CJG doesn't even vote Republican. But it is kind of understandable. The third Mrs. Newt has very expensive tastes and how else is a guy supposed to get a million dollar line of credit from Tiffany's?

"Oh, Newt, please buy me that nice monument in
the background!"

A Pizza Man You Can't Refuse?

OK, crankyjewishguy (CJG) just found a ten foot pole so he's going to touch this Herman Cain controversy. Hope he doesn't electrocute himself.

Unless you've been traveling in Bulgaria for the past two weeks you probably know that GOP presidential candidate and former chairman of the Godfather's pizza chain is struggling to deal with revelations that he was twice accused of sexual harassment by female employees of a trade association of which he was president. The motto for Godfather's, by the way, is "a pizza you can't refuse." Maybe Cain thought that applied to the company chairman, too.

Outraged professional pundits such as Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter immediately blamed liberals for the story arguing that liberals can't stand to see a conservative black man rising, as if this wouldn't be a story if we were talking about a white presidential candidate. (Hello, John Edwards.) But the Cain campaign itself didn't blame "liberals"; it blamed the Rick Perry campaign. And the Perry campaign blamed the Mitt Romney campaign. And Newt Gingrich said if any Republican candidate was responsible for leaking the sexual harassment story to the press they should be drawn and quartered as if it's better such things be swept under the carpet. Newt, of course, has good reason not to want bad behavior like this to become an issue: he's an admitted adulterer who left his cancer-stricken wife for another woman. It's getting a little bit like an Agatha Christie novel. CJG is waiting for the Romney campaign to blame Michael Dukakis.

Have I ever told you you look like Nancy Pelosi?

Apparently, fixing blame for how the story became public is more important than whether the original allegations had any merit. CJG has no idea whether they did or not, but he marvels that yet another feckless politician sallied forth on the winds of self-regard so high that it never occurred to him that a story like this, one way or another, was going to find daylight, especially when you're running for president of the United States. Dude, if you're running for president even your dental records are going to become public so there's no way the fact that your former employer paid cash settlements to your accusers, whether the allegations were true or not, isn't going to come out. And why shouldn't it? You want to be the leader of the free world? Then expect your life to be pried open. The mere fact that Cain seemed so utterly surprised and unprepared with a coherent, consistent response tells you a lot about his strategic planning skills, just as the fact that he didn't know China has nukes tells you something about his foreign policy qualifications. What next? Cain is going to tell us he can see Canada from his house?

CJG has this word of advice for Herman Cain. If you can't stand the heat, step away from the pizza oven.

A Universe of GOP Rising Stars

He's baaaaaaack! Crankyjewishguy (CJG) took a long break from his blog to go to the bathroom (yes, it took five months, but that's CJG's business). Actually, one reason CJG has been away is that he was finishing a book he wrote with Mrs. CJG that comes out next month. The marriage survived and the book is destined for greatness. The other reason, is that CJG decided to run for president as a Republican and has been building his campaign staff in the all important primary state of North Dakota where, next month, CJG will debate Michelle Bachmann on the subject of whether she is mentally competent. That should take about five minutes.

The new cast of "The Biggest Loser"? No, it's the 2011 GOP  field.
Note the presence of the Pillsbury Doughboy, third from left.
Tim Pawlenty, second from right, was voted off the island and Rick Perry
took his place only to find the surrounding waters way over his head.

Speaking of Michelle Bachmann, CJG has, of course, been closely following the circus known as the GOP race for president in which the idea seems to be to see who can say the most ridiculously stupid shit in hopes of getting the nomination. Rick Santorum's platform seems to be two pronged: the family is sacred and no one should have sex except under very special circumstances most of which have something to do with creating Christian families. Newt Gingrich, who by his own admission is the brightest of the candidates, thus damning himself with faint praise, looked at the wreckage of the U.S. economy and decided someone should go to jail -- not the CEOs of AIG, Lehmann Brothers, Countrywide or anyone else who actually had a prominent role in destroying the economy. No, Newt said Barney Frank and former Senator Chris Dodd should go to jail. Rick Perry, whose main qualification for the job appears to be incredible posture, apparently didn't realize that looking the part and acting the part are two different skill sets. Asked why there are one million children in Texas without health insurance, he immediately launched a blistering attack on Mitt Romney for hiring a lawn care company that employed an illegal alien to cut his grass thus drawing a illuminating connection between the two issues CJG had never made before.

Well, fancy me! Rick Perry as "yell leader"
at Texas A & M during his salad days.
The dog was later executed.

Speaking of immigration, the GOP field is doing what politicians do whenever times are tough: looking for a scapegoat. And what better scapegoat than illegal immigrants! They have no money or power. Let's blame them! So, who is the toughest hombre in the lot on this issue? Michelle Bachmann showed she is doubly tough on illegals by proposing not one fence along the entire US-Mexico border, but a double fence! Nice try, Michelle, but she never saw Herman Cain's solution coming: an electrified fence that would kill anyone trying to get across the border looking for a job as a delivery man for Godfather's Pizza. Cain is the new Ross Perot: a successful businessman with a simple solution for every complex problem. Most memorably, of course, his 9-9-9 tax plan that would raise taxes dramatically on the poor and the middle class while cutting them for Mitt Romney so he can fulfill his role as a "job creator."  The more Herman's ideas get exposed as lunacy the higher he rises in the GOP firmament. Please: someone call 9-1-1. Then, of course, there's good ol' Mitt Romney trying to come across as the everyman as he quadruples the size of his beachfront home in La Jolla, California and tells audiences that "corporations are people, too." He does have a point in that Mitt is a walking, talking corporation who specialized in taking over companies at Bain Capital then squeezing them dry for the cash while firing thousands of employees. He talks a good game about "job creation" but his real expertise is in job destruction and hair care products. Unlike many of his GOP competitors, Mitt cannot plead the insanity defense, but has there been a politician in recent memory so devoid of any core convictions? Trust CJG, Mitt Romney the presidential candidate and the Mitt Romney who was governor of Massachusetts are not the same person. Either that or the man has a serious case of multiple personality disorder.

Given the high quality of the GOP debates, CJG is amazed that no has taken the obvious line of attack against Perry yet: that if you rearrange the letters in Texas you get Taxes. If that doesn't set the Republican base on fire nothing will. The next time Michelle Bachmann is asked what color the sky is, she should go right at Perry on this.

Despite this, shall we say, lackluster GOP field, President Obama is in big trouble because everything that is wrong in the country today is his fault. You can take down bin Laden and Quaddafi (or Kadaffi or Qadaffy or Hanukah or Chanukkah, whatever) without a single American casualty, end the ten year war in Iraq, and finally make sure everyone is this country has health insurance, but unless you can fill, in three years, the 8 million jobs hole Bush left behind you're toast. So, help is on the way. As soon as the GOP regains power and can continue its massive wealth redistribution program in which the top 1% will soon have everything, they'll start using all that excess cash to create jobs on the plantation for the rest of us. CJG, for one, hopes to land a job as a surf board waxer at Mitt's place in La Jolla.

Man of the people, Mitt Romney, waves from his hot
air balloon above the 3,000 square foot La Jolla home
he is tearing down to build a 12,000 square foot home
in its stead.

Today's Random Musings

Here's how it works in America where stardom, earned or accidental, is the coin of the realm: Bristol Palin, 20, the Quarter-baked Alaska, earned more than a quarter of a million dollars last year from a foundation that promotes teenage abstinence about which the unwed teenage mother would apparently know very little. So, you can be a teacher in Wisconsin, an auto worker in Detroit, or even a pediatrician in Iowa with thirty years of experience and you won't make close to that. But get knocked up by some knucklehead hockey player from Wasilla and have the senile John McCain pick your incompetent mother to be his running mate and the money flows in like oil in the Gulf. It's as American as apple pie.

America's sweetheart and unwed mother, Bristol Palin: abstinence advocate.

That giant sucking sound you hear in New England over the gnashing of teeth is the despair of Red Sox Nation just four games into the regular season in which the Red Sox, with the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball, have mustered an 0-4 record. Now, it's still early; the season is very, very long. But this team is, as all the pundits say, built to win a World Series. Red Sox fans have long forgotten the Japanese tsunami and will probably be unaffected by the government shutdown the Tea Party and its hostages in Congress have planned because those are trivial matters compared with the sorry start the Red Sox have managed. Yup, we have our priorities straight in Red Sox Nation. And you think Bristol Palin makes a lot of money?

Isn't it time for Southwest Airlines to pull those ads that talk about how other airlines have frequent flyer "restrictions through the roof?" At least those airlines fly planes that have a roof.

The trial of Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on sex charges opened yesterday in Milan and was immediately adjourned until May 31. Talk about the wheels of justice turning slowly! Watching this trial get underway is like waiting for Spiderman to open on Broadway.

Finally, this. What exactly does Newt Gingrich do for a living?

Hypocrites

From the "Did He Really Say That Department," former Speaker of the House and presidential aspirant Newt Gingrich told the Christian Broadcasting Network that his past extramarital affairs were the result of his loving his country so much. Don't believe crankyjewishguy (CJG)? Then see for yourself. One of the wives he cheated on, by the way, was suffering from cancer. Can you imagine how much you'd have to love your country to do that? There are young women and men dying on battlefields half way around the world because they love their country, and others working with the poor or marginalized. But old Newt really made the ultimate sacrifice and a grateful nation thanks him. CJG is sure Newt's excuse will meet with widespread acceptance by American voters, especially the right wing zealots Newt is courting. After all, they were able to embrace Bristol Palin's teenage out of wedlock pregnancy for the simple reason that she didn't have an abortion. Thus, according to the logic, she personified the "family values" they claim to cherish so much. And Newt was, after all, just trying to start new families.

Funny, he doesn't look Jewish.

For another Republican hypocrite, we turn to New York Congressman Peter King, the one holding hearings on the radicalization of American Muslims, a hearing that smells like Act 2 of the McCarthy hearings. What makes King such a hypocrite here is that he was an ardent supporter of the Irish Republican Army, the terror group behind numerous deadly terrorist attacks in Britain in the late 20th century. But, as King explained, the IRA didn't target Americans and he since he loves America, who cares? Seriously: are these people for real?

Funny, he doesn't look Jewish, either.

Another "Family Values" Republican Bites the Dust in Sex Scandal

Well, here we go again: another "family values" Republican politician caught in a tawdry sex scandal. This time it's Congressman Christopher Lee of New York, now former Congressman Christopher Lee, who resigned Wednesday when some interesting pictures of him turned up on the Internet. This is not one of them:

Former Congressman Christopher Lee (R.-N.Y.)

We'll get to Mr. Lee in just a moment, but for the record, crankyjewishguy (CJG) wants to make it clear that he actually doesn't care about the sex lives of presidents and members of Congress, unless we're talking about Congresswoman Kristi Noem of South Dakota; then he's very interested. He thinks there have been, and are, some very fine leaders with less than perfect records of marital fidelity and sexual propriety. Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy, and Millard Filmore come to mind. (Actually, CJG doesn't know anything about Millard Filmore's sex life, he just loves the name.) But, CJG does take exception to politicians who campaign on so-called "family values," which usually includes a rabid antipathy to gay rights and gay marriage, whose own family values leave much to be desired. Their sanctimony is repellent. There's Mr. Family Values, Republican Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, who was caught up in a prostitution scandal that revealed the Senator's affinity for diapers, yet his campaign commercials use his wife and kids for props to show you what a great family man he is. (Despite the scandal he got re-elected by a wide margin last year.) There was Republican Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, super conservative, arrested for soliciting gay sex in an airport men's room. There's Republican Senator John Ensign of Nevada, also a big family values guy, who was sleeping with the wife of one of his aides. And, of course, there's Newt Gingrich who was trying to impeach Bill Clinton over the Lewinsky matter as he himself was having an extramarital affair. There are frisky Democrats, too, of course, with John Edwards being Exhibit A, but he appears to be certifiably nuts and he didn't run around campaigning on a platform that tells other people how they ought to lead their sex lives. These GOP hypocrites take to the floor of the House or Senate and rail against gay marriage because, they argue, it will undermine the American family, then ravage their own American families because their egos and, excuse CJG for this, their dicks get in the way. Marriage is so special, they claim, heterosexuals have to fight to keep it for themselves or it won't be special anymore. How full of shit are these people?

So, back to Congressman Chris Lee. It seems he's one one of those self-respecting, cosmopolitan men CJG wrote about a few days ago who troll Craigslist for prey. And he made the mistake of sending one of the "women seeking men" on Craigslist a photo of himself which found it's way -- surprise, surprise -- into cyberspace. Here's the photo in question:

He rather fancies himself, don't you think? Notice the tightly curled right fist so he can flex a little political muscle, and the vapid, penetrating gaze that asks, "are you as into me as I am?" Maybe we should be grateful for small favors; at least he kept his pants on and had the decency to dispense with the American flag as a backdrop.

Not a Day for Levity

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) had another post leavened with levity ready to go this morning, but he can't post it in light of yesterday's grim news out of Arizona. Sometimes what makes CJG cranky is too serious.

We don't know yet whether the shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was politically motivated or not, but regardless, we need to take a moment and think about the poison in our political discourse because there's been plenty of incitement out there and it's not coming equally, not by a long shot, from both sides of the political spectrum. There's been a lot of over-heated rhetoric in this country for the past few years, and it greatly intensified when President Obama was a candidate. His opponents in that race, Arizona's John McCain and the woman CJG won't name, tried strenuously to tie Obama to a 60's radical named Bill Ayers who they called a terrorist. The implication wasn't at all subtle and was even stated explicitly: Obama "pals around" with terrorists. What's the message there when the nation is waging a so-called "War on Terrorism?" Since his election, GOP leaders such as Newt Gingrich have tried to plant the idea that Obama isn't one of us saying that one can only understand Obama's world view through the lens of a Lao Tribesman of Kenya, a reference to Obama's father's tribe. A majority of Republicans, according to polls, believe Obama is a foriegn-born Muslim; a quarter think he's the Antichrist. That should take your breath away. Senate candidates like Sharon Angle and many congressional candidates hinted darkly at "Second Amendment remedies" if the "right" candidates weren't elected in November. And 24/7 FOX News throws garbage into the public discourse, most of it targeted at the President. Yeah, there's some overheated rhetoric on both sides but there is no rough equivalency here, none. It's like comparing the Empire State Building to a two-story condo in Van Nuys.

Now, yesterday, the former half-term governor of Alaska issued a statement about the shootings, one filled with sympathy for the victims and so forth. But take a good look at the poster below that her Political Action Committee produced before the 2010 mid-term elections, and note that one of those in the crosshairs is none other than Congresswoman Giffords (fourth name down in the first column). Now, CJG wants to be clear here. The shooter may never have seen this poster. It may have played no role in yesterday's tragedy. But is this really appropriate, especially from someone aspiring to be president? CJG hopes that somewhere today the former governor is feeling just a little bit of regret about this poster given what happened yesterday, maybe even regretful enough to come out and say it. When this poster first came out it was defended with words like, "no sane person is going to take this as an invitation to go hunting." But that's the problem. There are too many insane people out there and far too many of them have easy access to guns. This poster and similar rhetoric isn't going to be the tipping point for a sane person, but for any one of a large number of unbalanced people consuming this poison it might well be. CJG's point is that whether yesterday's shootings were politically motivated or not, we are playing with fire and the grownups need to tell the children to stop.

P.S. By the way, Congresswoman Giffords is the first Jewish woman to represent Arizona in Congress.

CJG's Top Ten Annoying People of 2010

It's fashionable at this time of year for every news outlet, pundit, and pontificator to give us their top ten of everything lists. The top ten sports plays of 2010. The ten biggest news stories of the year. Ten best movies. Ten best books. Top ten reasons to do this or that before the new year. Such a cliche thing to do. So obvious. So trite. That's why crankyjewishguy (CJG) is going to dive right in and name the top ten people who drove him up the wall in 2010, not including members of his immediate family.

Now, CJG totally ruined any suspense on this one with his post two days ago where he shared a photo of this woman who, it should be obvious, is clearly having a bad hair day:

But, let's move beyond She Who Shall Not be Named and simply concede that for reasons that hardly need listing, she is the undisputed No. 1 annoying person of the year. So, starting with No. 10 and counting down to No. 2, here they are:

No. 10: Newt "I'll Say Anything No Matter How Idiotic to Try and Get Some of the Media Attention Now Going to that Woman from Alaska" Gingrich. His statement that to understand President Obama's world view one has to understand the mindset of Luo tribesman of Kenya was racist and moronic. And his "I think I'm the smartest guy in the room" demeanor is the equivalent of scraping your fingernails on a chalkboard.

No. 9: Brett Favre. Talk about over-exposed, the guy texted pictures of his penis to a female employee of the New York Jets. CJG is glad he's not in Brett's calling circle. Favre should have left at the top of his game; instead he kept coming back over and over and getting the shit kicked out of him on and off the football field. Just because of him CJG would never buy a pair of Wrangler jeans. This isn't the picture of Brett Favre CJG wanted to show you, but the other one isn't available.

No. 8: That Nigerian widow who keeps e-mailing CJG and asking him to help her move millions of dollars from secret bank accounts in Nigeria to the United States. CJG is tired of writing back to her and explaining that he only helps the poor and disadvantaged. CJG is also getting suspicious that this is some kind of scam, probably being perpetrated by this guy:

No. 7: FOX News diva Greta van Sustern or Cistern or Susteren or whatever the fuck her name is. Plastic surgery did nothing to help her cause. She's still unwatchable.

No. 6: Flo, the Progressive Insurance Lady. Whoever sold this ad campaign to the execs at Progressive is a genius, but not at advertising because this has to be the lamest ad campaign CJG has ever seen. The GEICO Gekko wipes the floor with this dipshit.

No. 5: Tony Hayward, the former CEO of British Petroleum and huge yacht owner. True story: a couple of weeks after the rig explosion, BP put up a virtual suggestion box on its web site where ordinary folks could submit their ideas for stopping the spill. CJG was game: he wrote in and suggested they lower BP executives directly into the broken pipe to staunch the flow. The very next day, CJG received an e-mail from BP's "technical team" thanking him for his suggestion but explaining that after careful review CJG's idea could not be applied "under the very challenging and specific operating conditions in the Gulf." Seriously? How hard could it be to put cement boots on these guys and stuff them into a pipe? They do that off the coast of New Jersey all the time. Tony Hayward not only said ten of the stupidest things uttered in public in 2010, his uncanny resemblance to Mr. Bean made him doubly annoying. Can you tell which is which?

No. 4: The Three Musketeers, a/k/a Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and John Boehner. Their highest priority was ensuring tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% of Americans and they were willing to let taxes go up on the other 98% to get their way. Those 2%, they argued, are the "job creators" and unless they got their tax breaks well, they just weren't going to create those jobs for the proletariat. Funny, the rich got their tax cuts early in Bush's first term and by the end of the Bush years the economy lost 8 million jobs. CJG doesn't pretend to have a degree in economics, but before the tax cuts, during the Clinton years, the economy added 23 million jobs. To CJG guy this suggests the connection between tax cuts and jobs is being a wee bit overstated. In fact, CJG thinks this job talk is just a ruse and the real reason this is The Three Musketeers' highest priority is that 98% of these guys' campaign funds come from...you guessed it, the richest 2%. By the way, to CJG's knowledge, Cantor is, surprisingly, the only Jew on this top ten most annoying list though he has his suspicions about Brett Favre. But unless we see those pictures we may never know.

No. 3: CJG's friend and spin instructor, Bill. The first time Bill dressed up like this we all thought it was very funny. The second time it was still good for a chuckle. But, honestly, by about the hundredth time it was clearly nothing more than a desperate plea for attention.

No. 2: Long before he got himself fired from CNN for a ignorant rant about Jews and the media, Rick Sanchez was a bloviator of the first order. The guy's Ted Baxter-esque ego was so big and his talent so small, CJG would sit dumbstruck before his television wondering how Ricky ever landed a job that paid more than minimum wage. If you never saw his coverage of the Hawaii tsunami that fizzled, it's a classic. Do yourself a favor and watch this windbag in action.

Which brings us, once again, to our number one annoying person of 2010, Sar...oops...She Who Shall Not be Named (SWSNBN). As CJG noted above, there are about a million reasons he finds SWSNBN the world's most annoying person, but one of them is her utter disrespect for the native tongue. CJG believes that the ability to speak English with reasonable fluency should be a requirement for any aspiring president, and certainly for any media hound, and it's statements like this one, spoken on the Sean Inanity Show in November, that really make CJG want to pour candle wax in his ears: "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree." And a hard won degree no doubt.

Maybe she should see a neurologist about that tic.