State of the Union: Hot and Getting Hotter

If you watched last night's State of the Union address you know that the seating arrangements were somewhat different from those of recent and even not-so-distant memory where Democrats and Republicans sat on different sides of the House chamber, sort of like men and women in an Orthodox shul. This separate but equal seating meant that only half of those assembled would be standing and clapping at any given point since it is perfectly obvious that anything a president says that appeals to one party has to be seen by the other as completely antithetical to the American way of life and probably even subversive. The old seating arrangement also ensured that when someone like Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina yelled "Liar!" at the president last year, Congresswoman Maxine Waters of California wasn't right next to him to punch him in the face.

Typical of Congress, it took a congresswoman getting shot in the head for its members to decide that maybe they could intermingle across party lines for an hour or so during the State of the Union. But it wasn't like they just filed in and grabbed seats. A big deal was made in the run-up to last night's speech every time one member found a member of the other party willing to sit next to them. Chuck Schumer of New York and Tom Coburn of Oklahoma found each other, which had the added value of having a Jew and a gentile sitting together.  Nevada's three congressmen, two Republicans and a Democrat, decided to sit together, but no one wanted to sit with them anyway. Some Republicans agreed to sit with Democrats, but only on the Republican side of the chamber. The whole thing was like a bad mixer at a single sex college. And some weren't buying the new comity. Senate Minority Leader Mitch (Dr. No) McConnell said he preferred the company of his usual cronies. Nancy Pelosi and Eric Cantor didn't sit together, but crankyjewishguy (CJG) doesn't think it has anything to do with the fact that Cantor is a Jew and Pelosi is not. He thinks they just hate each other's guts. John Boehner and Joe Biden had no choice but to sit together behind the President, and it was a relief that Biden didn't need the box of tissues he brought just in case Boehner had another one of his crying fits, though Boehner appeared to come close  near the end when the President invoked his Horatio Alger-like rise.

One can understand why Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr might have avoided sitting together, but really, all this fuss about who's sitting with whom? Please. All CJG wants to know is this: who got to sit next to freshman Congresswoman Kristi Noem of South Dakota? That had to be toughest seat in the House.

Congresswoman Kristi Noem (R.-S.D.)

CJG used to be a liberal Democrat from Massachusetts.
He is now a registered Republican from Rapid City.

CJG's Top Ten Annoying People of 2010

It's fashionable at this time of year for every news outlet, pundit, and pontificator to give us their top ten of everything lists. The top ten sports plays of 2010. The ten biggest news stories of the year. Ten best movies. Ten best books. Top ten reasons to do this or that before the new year. Such a cliche thing to do. So obvious. So trite. That's why crankyjewishguy (CJG) is going to dive right in and name the top ten people who drove him up the wall in 2010, not including members of his immediate family.

Now, CJG totally ruined any suspense on this one with his post two days ago where he shared a photo of this woman who, it should be obvious, is clearly having a bad hair day:

But, let's move beyond She Who Shall Not be Named and simply concede that for reasons that hardly need listing, she is the undisputed No. 1 annoying person of the year. So, starting with No. 10 and counting down to No. 2, here they are:

No. 10: Newt "I'll Say Anything No Matter How Idiotic to Try and Get Some of the Media Attention Now Going to that Woman from Alaska" Gingrich. His statement that to understand President Obama's world view one has to understand the mindset of Luo tribesman of Kenya was racist and moronic. And his "I think I'm the smartest guy in the room" demeanor is the equivalent of scraping your fingernails on a chalkboard.

No. 9: Brett Favre. Talk about over-exposed, the guy texted pictures of his penis to a female employee of the New York Jets. CJG is glad he's not in Brett's calling circle. Favre should have left at the top of his game; instead he kept coming back over and over and getting the shit kicked out of him on and off the football field. Just because of him CJG would never buy a pair of Wrangler jeans. This isn't the picture of Brett Favre CJG wanted to show you, but the other one isn't available.

No. 8: That Nigerian widow who keeps e-mailing CJG and asking him to help her move millions of dollars from secret bank accounts in Nigeria to the United States. CJG is tired of writing back to her and explaining that he only helps the poor and disadvantaged. CJG is also getting suspicious that this is some kind of scam, probably being perpetrated by this guy:

No. 7: FOX News diva Greta van Sustern or Cistern or Susteren or whatever the fuck her name is. Plastic surgery did nothing to help her cause. She's still unwatchable.

No. 6: Flo, the Progressive Insurance Lady. Whoever sold this ad campaign to the execs at Progressive is a genius, but not at advertising because this has to be the lamest ad campaign CJG has ever seen. The GEICO Gekko wipes the floor with this dipshit.

No. 5: Tony Hayward, the former CEO of British Petroleum and huge yacht owner. True story: a couple of weeks after the rig explosion, BP put up a virtual suggestion box on its web site where ordinary folks could submit their ideas for stopping the spill. CJG was game: he wrote in and suggested they lower BP executives directly into the broken pipe to staunch the flow. The very next day, CJG received an e-mail from BP's "technical team" thanking him for his suggestion but explaining that after careful review CJG's idea could not be applied "under the very challenging and specific operating conditions in the Gulf." Seriously? How hard could it be to put cement boots on these guys and stuff them into a pipe? They do that off the coast of New Jersey all the time. Tony Hayward not only said ten of the stupidest things uttered in public in 2010, his uncanny resemblance to Mr. Bean made him doubly annoying. Can you tell which is which?

No. 4: The Three Musketeers, a/k/a Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor and John Boehner. Their highest priority was ensuring tax cuts for the wealthiest 2% of Americans and they were willing to let taxes go up on the other 98% to get their way. Those 2%, they argued, are the "job creators" and unless they got their tax breaks well, they just weren't going to create those jobs for the proletariat. Funny, the rich got their tax cuts early in Bush's first term and by the end of the Bush years the economy lost 8 million jobs. CJG doesn't pretend to have a degree in economics, but before the tax cuts, during the Clinton years, the economy added 23 million jobs. To CJG guy this suggests the connection between tax cuts and jobs is being a wee bit overstated. In fact, CJG thinks this job talk is just a ruse and the real reason this is The Three Musketeers' highest priority is that 98% of these guys' campaign funds come from...you guessed it, the richest 2%. By the way, to CJG's knowledge, Cantor is, surprisingly, the only Jew on this top ten most annoying list though he has his suspicions about Brett Favre. But unless we see those pictures we may never know.

No. 3: CJG's friend and spin instructor, Bill. The first time Bill dressed up like this we all thought it was very funny. The second time it was still good for a chuckle. But, honestly, by about the hundredth time it was clearly nothing more than a desperate plea for attention.

No. 2: Long before he got himself fired from CNN for a ignorant rant about Jews and the media, Rick Sanchez was a bloviator of the first order. The guy's Ted Baxter-esque ego was so big and his talent so small, CJG would sit dumbstruck before his television wondering how Ricky ever landed a job that paid more than minimum wage. If you never saw his coverage of the Hawaii tsunami that fizzled, it's a classic. Do yourself a favor and watch this windbag in action.

Which brings us, once again, to our number one annoying person of 2010, Sar...oops...She Who Shall Not be Named (SWSNBN). As CJG noted above, there are about a million reasons he finds SWSNBN the world's most annoying person, but one of them is her utter disrespect for the native tongue. CJG believes that the ability to speak English with reasonable fluency should be a requirement for any aspiring president, and certainly for any media hound, and it's statements like this one, spoken on the Sean Inanity Show in November, that really make CJG want to pour candle wax in his ears: "I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree." And a hard won degree no doubt.

Maybe she should see a neurologist about that tic.