Today's Random Musings

Here's how it works in America where stardom, earned or accidental, is the coin of the realm: Bristol Palin, 20, the Quarter-baked Alaska, earned more than a quarter of a million dollars last year from a foundation that promotes teenage abstinence about which the unwed teenage mother would apparently know very little. So, you can be a teacher in Wisconsin, an auto worker in Detroit, or even a pediatrician in Iowa with thirty years of experience and you won't make close to that. But get knocked up by some knucklehead hockey player from Wasilla and have the senile John McCain pick your incompetent mother to be his running mate and the money flows in like oil in the Gulf. It's as American as apple pie.

America's sweetheart and unwed mother, Bristol Palin: abstinence advocate.

That giant sucking sound you hear in New England over the gnashing of teeth is the despair of Red Sox Nation just four games into the regular season in which the Red Sox, with the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball, have mustered an 0-4 record. Now, it's still early; the season is very, very long. But this team is, as all the pundits say, built to win a World Series. Red Sox fans have long forgotten the Japanese tsunami and will probably be unaffected by the government shutdown the Tea Party and its hostages in Congress have planned because those are trivial matters compared with the sorry start the Red Sox have managed. Yup, we have our priorities straight in Red Sox Nation. And you think Bristol Palin makes a lot of money?

Isn't it time for Southwest Airlines to pull those ads that talk about how other airlines have frequent flyer "restrictions through the roof?" At least those airlines fly planes that have a roof.

The trial of Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on sex charges opened yesterday in Milan and was immediately adjourned until May 31. Talk about the wheels of justice turning slowly! Watching this trial get underway is like waiting for Spiderman to open on Broadway.

Finally, this. What exactly does Newt Gingrich do for a living?

CJG Arrives in The Homeland: Greeted by Huge Yawn

As crankyjewishguy (CJG) wrote last week, he was about to make a trip with his wife and kids to The Homeland. Well, CJG is pleased to announce that thanks to his little white pills he made it! But, while CJG was happy to leave the cold and snow behind for the balmy breezes of his native Puerto Rico, he has to confess he was a little disappointed with the reception he received upon arriving at Luis Munoz Marin Airport in San Juan. Not only did he learn the airport is named after somebody else, apparently someone in this establishment forgot to tell the people of Puerto Rico that CJG was coming home after 57 years. CJG was sort of expecting a reception that looked like this:

Instead, CJG was met by this guy:

Oh, well. That's life. A series of small disappointments interrupted by sleep. CJG is optimistic, however, that when he and his family leave San Juan later today for his hometown of Aguadilla, word will quickly spread and a bagel, lox and cream cheese banquet will waiting for him when he gets there. (Don't forget the capers!) 

By the way, CJG is well aware of the controversy surrounding Barack Obama's birth certificate and that some ridiculously large percentage of the population (a percentage that correlates, not surprisingly, with the mentally deranged population of the country) believes Obama is a foreign-born Muslim terrorist. But CJG was very surprised to receive a lot of e-mail from "birthers," some of it rather impolite, challenging his claim that he was born in Puerto Rico. Since CJG is keeping all of his political options open, he presents here for your inspection a genuine, uncertified facsimile of his own birth certificate, slightly redacted at the request of the Department of Homeland Security. 

CJG's birth certificate proving he came ashore on the island of Puerto Rico.

CJG guesses the only remaining question is whether being born in a U.S. territory, not a state, makes him a "natural born citizen" and, therefore, eligible to serve. In that regard, CJG points out that John McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone and that's in a whole other country. CJG thinks it's in Panama. Granted, for a zillion other reasons, among them his choice of running mate and senility, McCain was utterly unqualified to be president, but no one argued his birth in the Canal Zone disqualified him. CJG rests his case and announces that if nominated, he will name Lewis Black as his running mate, the first all-Jewish ticket in history. For future reference, this is Lewis Black, a great American, off his meds. He will preside over the Senate.