Engine Explodes: Flight Lands "Without Incident"

As you may have read this morning, a Cathay Pacific Airbus made an emergency landing back in Singapore, from which it had departed about 45 minutes earlier, after an engine exploded and caught fire causing the plane to jerk violently. Readers of crankyjewishguy (CJG) know that flying is not one of his favorite activities and this is why. In this photo, taken aboard the plane as it prepared to make an emergency landing, you can see that they have stopped in the in-flight meal service and many people are not wearing their seat belts.

But what CJG really loved about the article about this near disaster, is that a spokesman for Cathay Pacific said that the plane landed "without incident." Really? CJG would say that landing "without incident" means landing (a) at your destination, not your airport of origin, (b) in street clothes, not life vests and (c) on board a plane in which one of the engines has not exploded in flight. Don't you think?

Esquire's Question of the Day

WARNING: Today's post contains adult language and graphic content that ay not be appropriate for Hasidic Jews.

Yesterday morning, crankyjewishguy (CJG) was at one of his favorite coffee shops (i.e. not a Starbucks) where they have a magazine rack filled with interesting magazines you can read while you drink your coffee (as opposed to Starbucks where they will sell you a copy of Howard Schultz's new book about Starbucks).

Anyway, they had the new issue of Esquire which had a major article on men's health that included the results of an extensive survey. Most of the questions were predictable, such as how often do you exercise, what do you eat, are you getting enough sleep and so on. But there was one question that really stuck out, so to speak, and it was a very simple one: can you see your penis? pretty direct, too.

But simple questions defy simple answers, despite the fact that 83% of respondents answered "yes." For example, this question could just as easily be about eye sight as body weight. Before CJG guy had cataract surgery last year, without his glasses he couldn't see his hands if he held them up in front of his face and his penis is half way down his body; well out of range. The question is also more complicated than it appears because it didn't specify whether the penis should be flaccid or erect, nor does it make allowances for size. CJG bets there are some heavy men who would have to answer "sometimes" to what appears to be a yes/no question. So, if these men overwhelmingly assumed an erect penis we may have a skewed picture of whether they have a weight problem. It also seems to CJG that the question -- can you see your penis -- cries out for multiple choice answers such as (a) yes, (b) no, (c) easily, (d) in brightly illuminated rooms or (e) when I look in the mirror.

If, as CJG assumes, Esquire was trying to get a handle on how many men have a weight problem, aren't there better ways to find out? Like asking: are you overweight? This is why CJG puts very little stock in articles that appear in Esquire.

P.S. For obvious reasons, today's post has no pictures.

Is Bush Piqued?

Hard to know if the reports are true, but a story is moving on various news wires that President G.W. Bush declined President Obama's invitation to join him at Ground Zero today because he feels Obama is taking a victory lap and did not give Bush sufficient credit for the bin Laden operation. First of all, as the text of Obama's announcement the other night makes clear, he credited the efforts of everyone involved over the past ten years; he didn't make it sound as if it all began on his inauguration day. Second, he was gracious enough not to note that after bin Laden escaped at Tora Bora Bush took his eye off the ball and gave low priority to the hunt for bin Laden as he pursued war in Iraq. Third, for the past two years plus the man has been living on a cul de sac in Houston. How much credit is he due? He wasn't "the decider" on this: Obama took the risk, made the gutsy call, and made the hunt for bin Laden a top priority after it languished for seven years under Bush. If you ask crankyjewishguy (CJG) the notion that Bush is piqued, if true, is outrageous. By asking Bush to share the stage so to speak at Ground Zero today, Obama was inviting him to a display of unity and to share in the moment. If Bush is such a small man that he feels dissed, then he deserves to be ignored.

My President

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) thinks it's been too long since the death of Osama bin Laden and a return to the really important business facing the country: proving that Barack Obama is (a) a modern-day Hitler, (b) born on some other planet and brought here by aliens to destroy the Earth, (c) a closet terrorist as John McCain and his running mate, what's her name, insinuated in the last campaign, (d) a weak-kneed Chicago liberal who doesn't have what it takes to be Commander-in-Chief.

As you can probably tell, CJG is kidding because he really thinks it's time for those who have spuriously attacked the president's loyalty, American-ness, mettle and toughness TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. And that's all CJG has to say today: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This is a picture of MY president and if you are a United States citizen, LIKE HE IS, then he is YOUR president, too.

Obama a U.S. Citizen? Still Waiting for Real Proof

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) still isn't satisfied that Barack Obama is a "natural born citizen" of the United States eligible to hold the office of president despite release of his long-form birth certificate. In fact, the release of that official looking document raises more questions than it answers. CJG thinks Obama needs to prove a few more things. Like whether Hawaii is actually part of the United States. CJG is sure that the 50 or 60% of Republicans who doubted the president is an American would agree with him that it's awfully suspicious that somehow, just two years before Obama was born, Hawaii was made a state. Isn't there something a little too convenient about the timing? Is there any reason to believe that Hawaii statehood wasn't just another part of the plot, hatched by a clever bunch of Kenyans, to make Obama president fifty years later? And where's the title to those islands? In what registry of deeds? Huh? What about that, Donald? Shouldn't we demand to see the deed signed by King Kamehameha? And who's to say "the president" was "natural born?" For all we know he was delivered by Caesarian section which isn't natural at all. (Luckily for the Donald the Constitution says nothing about "natural born hair.") Anyone can wave an official looking document around. Look at this thing? Does it look convincing to you?

C'mon, Mr. President, show us some real proof!

Where Have You Gone CJG?

If you're like crankyjewishguy (CJG), you've probably been wondering where he's been the past two weeks. Well, now that the statute of limitations has run he can tell you that he was on a privately funded mission to try and find Osama bin Laden in Tora Bora. Imagine CJG's surprise when he learned bin Laden had just escaped the region ten years ago.

CJG figured that by the time he got back his inbox would be overloaded with e-mail messages from people all over the world wondering what had happened to him, asking when he was going to blog again, and begging him to return to the keyboard. Instead, yesterday he had one e-mail from his brother in Boca Raton saying, "what happened to your blog." It's so nice to be missed.

The truth is CJG was finding it difficult to keep up with the demands of a daily blog even though he generally has nothing else to do. But in recent weeks, Mr. and Mrs. CJG have been on deadline for a book they are writing together, an effort to see if a marriage can stand the strain of living and working together. Check back with CJG in a few weeks. If you see him on J-Date it didn't work out so well.

So, what's been happening in the world during CJG's absence? So little changes. Donald Trump continues to ride the GOP Crazy Train, sending his own investigators to Hawaii to try and prove the president wasn't born there. Mitt Romney formed an exploratory committee to try and find out if he has any core convictions. Half Baked Alaska continues to try and master the English language with limited success. And the Boston Red Sox continue to be the worst team in baseball despite having the second highest payroll. Go Pirates!

In other news, the Catholic Church continued to cover itself in glory when a former Bishop in Belgium made light of accusations he abused his nephews by saying it was just a little game that involved "fondling" and that he was never naked. The extent of the Church's little abuse problem seems as limitless as its efforts to sweep the whole thing under the rug.

Air traffic controllers across the country are dozing off in droves and planes landing unassisted. Predictably, the controller's union says napping is necessary. Maybe, but not when you're the only guy on duty. I need to nap sometimes, too, but I make sure I'm not driving when I do. Scientists say naps make us more alert when we wake and CJG buys that, but when planes are landing with a controller asleep at the switch, that's not good.

So, dear readers, here's CJG's plan. He's not going to blog every day. He's going to blog whenever the spirit moves him, hopefully about once a week. If you want to know when a new blog post goes up, subscribe to the blog if you can figure out how. CJG can't help you there because he doesn't understand it himself. Or, just check in once in a while. As always, all CJG blog posts will be rigorously fact-checked by the staff of Congresswoman from Pluto, Michelle Bachmann, the dingbat who thought the battles of Lexington and Concord were fought in New Hampshire and that the founding fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery. CJG has to go now because the clueless guy sitting next to him at Starbucks is under the misimpression that he's in his own office and that we all like listening to him talk on the phone. Away two weeks in Tora Bora but CJG's pet peeves remain intact.

Today's Random Musings

Here's how it works in America where stardom, earned or accidental, is the coin of the realm: Bristol Palin, 20, the Quarter-baked Alaska, earned more than a quarter of a million dollars last year from a foundation that promotes teenage abstinence about which the unwed teenage mother would apparently know very little. So, you can be a teacher in Wisconsin, an auto worker in Detroit, or even a pediatrician in Iowa with thirty years of experience and you won't make close to that. But get knocked up by some knucklehead hockey player from Wasilla and have the senile John McCain pick your incompetent mother to be his running mate and the money flows in like oil in the Gulf. It's as American as apple pie.

America's sweetheart and unwed mother, Bristol Palin: abstinence advocate.

That giant sucking sound you hear in New England over the gnashing of teeth is the despair of Red Sox Nation just four games into the regular season in which the Red Sox, with the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball, have mustered an 0-4 record. Now, it's still early; the season is very, very long. But this team is, as all the pundits say, built to win a World Series. Red Sox fans have long forgotten the Japanese tsunami and will probably be unaffected by the government shutdown the Tea Party and its hostages in Congress have planned because those are trivial matters compared with the sorry start the Red Sox have managed. Yup, we have our priorities straight in Red Sox Nation. And you think Bristol Palin makes a lot of money?

Isn't it time for Southwest Airlines to pull those ads that talk about how other airlines have frequent flyer "restrictions through the roof?" At least those airlines fly planes that have a roof.

The trial of Italy's Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi on sex charges opened yesterday in Milan and was immediately adjourned until May 31. Talk about the wheels of justice turning slowly! Watching this trial get underway is like waiting for Spiderman to open on Broadway.

Finally, this. What exactly does Newt Gingrich do for a living?