British Royal Family Snubs Obamas: Call in the Wedding Crashers

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) has posted a new blog entry every day since he started blogging on December 13, 2010. (You're welcome.) Even Barack Obama has taken a day or two off during that time, but not CJG. CJG thinks his persistence is paying off, however, as the list of countries where visitors to his blog come from continues to grow, with Romania and the Cayman Islands being just two of the more recent additions. (You can see a complete list here as CJG has quietly gone back and amended this old post from time to time.) As readers who have followed CJG for a while know, he didn't miss a day even when he was on vacation in Puerto Rico, the land of his birth. But CJG thinks maybe he needs a short break even though he continues to have plenty to say. In a couple of hours, CJG is flying to New Orleans for a few days to visit his son at Harvard on St. Charles. The weather down there is supposed to be great. So, don't be alarmed if CJG doesn't post something new every day from New Orleans. It just means he's having a really good time. On the other hand, if he finds a few minutes maybe he'll post something from the Crescent City just to let you know how it's going and to make you jealous. (It may surprise readers to know that CJG's finely honed blog posts, which would appear to take hours, if not days, to prepare, usually take about twenty minutes. Impressive, eh?)

Speaking of Barack Obama, CJG is really ticked off at Prince William and Kate Middleton for not inviting the Obamas to the royal wedding. Isn't it about time the British got over their loss in the Revolutionary War? There's no room for the Obamas but Kanye West got an invite? What's up with that? CJG hopes they aren't expecting him to sing. To be fair, they can only have about 2,000 guests, about the size of a typical bar mitzvah in Boca, but still..the President of the United States isn't good enough for them? For a minute CJG was startled to learn that even Glenn Beck had been invited. Then he put on his glasses and realized it was David Beckham, the soccer star, not Glenn Beck the professional clown.

Beck.

Beckham.
One of these men has been invited to the
 Royal Wedding in April. Do you know which one?
If you'd been reading the text and not just these captions you would.

CJG is also a little disappointed that he and Mrs. CJG weren't invited to the wedding because they're practically family. According to CJG's late father-in-law, who was a judge, Mrs. CJG's paternal grandmother's cousin married the Queen Mother's brother sometime in the early 1900s. For marrying a Jew, he was ostracized and the couple lived in self-imposed exile in South Africa. CJG hopes Colin Firth is reading this because this could be his next big role. In the meantime, although CJG has no reason to doubt his father-in-law, he is going to see if he can confirm the rumor and land a seat at Table 14 at the reception.

CJG's Top Ten Annoying People of 2011

Yesterday, the last day of the year, crankyjewishguy (CJG) named his Top Ten Annoying People of 2010 which means it must be time to name the Top Ten Annoying People of 2011. See, that didn't take long. Topping the list for 2011, as she will every year as long as she remains publicly visible, is She Who Shall Not Be Named. You know, John McCain's running mate. The one who doesn't speak a single language fluently, even English.

Followers of CJG may have been surprised that yesterday's list did not include some obvious candidates for most annoying person, namely Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter and anyone who works at FOX News and has the chutzpah to call themselves a journalist. But there's a simple explanation for why they didn't make the list: CJG has shut them out completely so they don't bother him. So, who other than the Half Baked Alaskan are the other Top Ten Annoying People of 2011?

No. 1: Topping this year's list is the guy sitting next to CJG at Starbucks right now returning all the calls he missed last year. And he's not even having a coffee. He thinks he's in a large phone booth.

No. 2: Second is the guy at the other table next to CJG who is literally ripping up a year's worth of financial records as he gets a head start on his tax return. If this keeps up much longer, CJG is going to hand him a hundred bucks and tell him to go buy a paper shredder at Staples, provided he doesn't come back here and plug it in.

No. 3: The telemarketers at the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee (DSCC). CJG made a crucial contribution to the DSCC in late October that kept the Senate from falling into Republican hands. (You're welcome.) While CJG was happy to do so, he didn't realize that someone from the DSCC would call him every day for the rest of his life seeking additional contributions.

No. 4: Christine O'Donnell. There's a big cauldron of trouble brewing for the erstwhile Senate candidate from Delaware; something to do with using campaign donations to pay her rent and other personal expenses, such as her three year supply of eye of newt. She blames disgruntled former aides for her legal troubles, but CJG thinks that anyone who claims that scientists are breeding mice with human brains has bigger problems than an investigation by the Federal Election Commission. Are we doomed to have to spend the rest of our lives hearing from this pea brain? Maybe she should try and get into that mice experiment.

No. 5: Allen West. You may not have heard of Allen West yet, but trust CJG, you will. CJG first learned of Allen West while doing a little research on Idaho militias (that's another story) and one of them had a web site with this video of Allen West giving a speech somewhere. West is an African-American right wing extremist, which sounds about as dissonant as pastrami with mayo. More troubling, West is also the Congressman-elect from the the Boca Raton area. How a heavily Jewish congressional district in south Florida elected a black right wing extremist to congress is beyond CJG, especially since the incumbent's name was Ron Klein, but this is one scary dude, and really, really annoying, too.

No. 6: Stewie Griffin. Everything CJG's younger son knows about sex he learned from watching Family Guy. CJG actually loves Family Guy and Stewie Griffin but he has to admit that allowing Seth McFarland to effectively raise his younger child may have been a mistake.

No. 7: Justin Bieber. CJG got annoyed just typing his name. Too much fame too fast. My twelve year old niece loves this guy. Anyone want to hazard a guess when he'll do his first stint in rehab? Send your predictions to crankyjewishguy@gmail.com and whoever comes closest to picking the exact date will win a t-shirt with Bieber's picture on the front and the words "I Told You So" on the back.

No. 8: Speaking of rehab and cautionary tales, Lindsay Lohan makes this year's list in anticipation of repeated parole violations in 2011. Will someone please e-mail CJG and explain what this woman is famous for other than being a complete train wreck? Why do we keep reading about her?

No. 9: Finally, last but not least on CJG's Top Ten Annoying People of 2011 is college basketball color man, Dick Vitale. CJG hates to pick on another Jersey guy, especially one who hails from his home county of Bergen, but if you watch college hoops, as most of us do, you know the ubiquitous Vitale can wear out even the most enthusiastic fan. CJG can take the guy in small doses, but by the end of the basketball season in March, Vitale's over-the-top, non-stop boisterous exuberance can leave a ringing in your ears that doesn't abate until Labor Day. This is why your TV remote has a mute button.

How about a little peace and quiet, baby!