Ask Crankyjewishguy Vol.9: College Admissions

Today's letter is from a mother in Great Neck, NY whose 17 year-old daughter just got letters from all of the colleges she applied to this year.

Dear Crankyjewishguy (CJG),
I am beside myself. My little princess, Hillary, applied to 247 colleges and was rejected by 212 of them, including all of the Ivy League schools for which, I might add, she was overqualified. Thirty schools put her on the waiting list. She got into only five schools including Southwest Arizona Community College (where she is qualified to be President), Montana Southern University School of Agriculture, The University of New South Wales (which is, I believe, in Australia), the New Jersey School of Advanced Air Conditioning and Heating, and Bryn Mawr. Unfortunately, Bryn Mawr offered no financial aid so that's off the list. What I don't understand is that Hillary had a 4.4 GPA (with 4.0 being the highest possible score), a combined 2380 on her SATs (she missed a question about the hypotenuse of a triangle), was President of her class, played varsity tennis, field hockey and basketball (on the boy's team), spent a summer rebuilding levees in New Orleans with money she raised selling patchwork quilts she made herself, and was a finalist on American Idol last year. In her free time she studied classical piano and was named New York State's most promising musician under the age of twenty, devised a project to bring electricity to remote villages in Zimbabwe over Facebook, and ran, albeit unsuccessfully, for Congress. Do you think it was that question she missed on the math SAT that ruined her chances to attend a good college.
Beside Myself in Great Neck

Dear Beside Myself in Great Neck,
Yes.
CJG

Ask Crankyjewishguy Vol.6: NOLA

Knowing that crankyjewishguy (CJG) is currently in New Orleans, Brett in Minneapolis e-mailed CJG this New Orleans related question.

Dear CJG,
I know you are Jewish so let me ask you Four Questions: what makes New Orleans so different from any other city?
Brett in Minneapolis

Dear Brett,
First, you only asked one question, but CJG assumes that's because you are in on the little secret that even very few Jews know: that on Passover, it's really one question with four answers, to wit, "why is tonight different from every other night?" The answers, as you probably know, include, "because on most nights we eating sitting up and tonight we eat reclining," "because on most nights we eat leavened bread and tonight we eat only unleavened bread," and "because on most night Uncle Hesche isn't here with our bratty cousins boring us to tears with stories about his medical problems."

But to answer your question, what makes New Orleans -- or NOLA as we who are really cool and in the know like to call it -- so different is that only in New Orleans two weeks before Mardi Gras can you see about a dozen major pre-Mardi Gras parades that make moving around parts of the city nearly impossible. Only in New Orleans is a "major police presence" defined as a dozen on-duty uniformed officers on parade duty helping themselves to drinks at a local bar along the parade route. And only in New Orleans can you sit down at a restaurant with beer you've brought in and without a thought the waiter opens one for your 15 year-old son who looks about four years younger. Let the good times roll, indeed.

This is not a Mardi Gras scene. It's an
official college tour of Tulane University.

Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans?

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) knows he said he might not be blogging every day from New Orleans, but just a quick one. When he left Boston yesterday it was about 12 degrees and the piles of dirty snow at the end of his driveway were still about five feet high. As he drove along St. Charles Avenue yesterday afternoon the temperature was 75 degrees and the magnolia trees were in bloom. What's wrong with this picture? (Not the one below, the bigger picture.)

New Orleans, more than any city CJG has ever visited, is a state of mind and it is, in his humble opinion, America's most distinctive city, wholly unlike any other city in the country. Mardi Gras doesn't start for another two weeks, but this weekend there will be not one, not two, but three big pre-Mardi Gras parades, proving yet again that this city loves a party, or a parade, preferably at least one a day. There's a real charm to the city's amiable chaos, but it would drive anyone from neat and orderly Switzerland crazy. As they say, you can't think of New Orleans as the worst organized city in the United States; you have to think of it as the best organized city in the Caribbean. 

British Royal Family Snubs Obamas: Call in the Wedding Crashers

Crankyjewishguy (CJG) has posted a new blog entry every day since he started blogging on December 13, 2010. (You're welcome.) Even Barack Obama has taken a day or two off during that time, but not CJG. CJG thinks his persistence is paying off, however, as the list of countries where visitors to his blog come from continues to grow, with Romania and the Cayman Islands being just two of the more recent additions. (You can see a complete list here as CJG has quietly gone back and amended this old post from time to time.) As readers who have followed CJG for a while know, he didn't miss a day even when he was on vacation in Puerto Rico, the land of his birth. But CJG thinks maybe he needs a short break even though he continues to have plenty to say. In a couple of hours, CJG is flying to New Orleans for a few days to visit his son at Harvard on St. Charles. The weather down there is supposed to be great. So, don't be alarmed if CJG doesn't post something new every day from New Orleans. It just means he's having a really good time. On the other hand, if he finds a few minutes maybe he'll post something from the Crescent City just to let you know how it's going and to make you jealous. (It may surprise readers to know that CJG's finely honed blog posts, which would appear to take hours, if not days, to prepare, usually take about twenty minutes. Impressive, eh?)

Speaking of Barack Obama, CJG is really ticked off at Prince William and Kate Middleton for not inviting the Obamas to the royal wedding. Isn't it about time the British got over their loss in the Revolutionary War? There's no room for the Obamas but Kanye West got an invite? What's up with that? CJG hopes they aren't expecting him to sing. To be fair, they can only have about 2,000 guests, about the size of a typical bar mitzvah in Boca, but still..the President of the United States isn't good enough for them? For a minute CJG was startled to learn that even Glenn Beck had been invited. Then he put on his glasses and realized it was David Beckham, the soccer star, not Glenn Beck the professional clown.

Beck.

Beckham.
One of these men has been invited to the
 Royal Wedding in April. Do you know which one?
If you'd been reading the text and not just these captions you would.

CJG is also a little disappointed that he and Mrs. CJG weren't invited to the wedding because they're practically family. According to CJG's late father-in-law, who was a judge, Mrs. CJG's paternal grandmother's cousin married the Queen Mother's brother sometime in the early 1900s. For marrying a Jew, he was ostracized and the couple lived in self-imposed exile in South Africa. CJG hopes Colin Firth is reading this because this could be his next big role. In the meantime, although CJG has no reason to doubt his father-in-law, he is going to see if he can confirm the rumor and land a seat at Table 14 at the reception.

Palm Trees, Blue Skies, Azure Waters: It Must be Wintertime in New England

It must be so nice being married to crankyjewishguy (CJG). Most mornings he rises early to get his son, who is also Mrs. CJG's son, up and out to school, so that Mrs. CJG can get her beauty rest. And, boy, is she beautiful after all that rest. Yesterday, when CJG got in his car, the outside temperature monitor reported that it was one degree below zero. CJG's friend, Joe, posted on his Facebook page that where he lives, about a mile away, it was zero. Why CJG doesn't move to the warmer side of town he'll never know.

The view outside CJG's kitchen window yesterday morning.

Now that it's nearly February, and seeing as how CJG is getting into his late 50s (despite looking more like 40 and acting more like 80), he's starting to think about life in a warmer climate. His younger son will be off to college in a couple of years, so anything is possible, especially given how rich CJG is getting off his blog. But where? And since Mr. and Mrs. CJG are very social people, what will life be like without all of their friends around?

Just to prove that CJG looks much younger than
 his years, he offers this self-portrait for your inspection.

CJG isn't especially keen on Florida for the simple reason that there are too many cranky jewish people there. CJG wants to stand out. But not so far out that he wants to be the only Jewish person on the Mississippi Gulf coast, for example. CJG loves the beach, but he fears even he would soon grow bored watching the waves for three straight months, only to be interrupted for an occasional game of Scrabble. CJG once went to Hawaii, to the island of Kauai to be precise, and that's a great place except that it's about 6,000 miles away and CJG doesn't want to have to find a new barber. Over the past couple of years, CJG has really come to love New Orleans (his older son goes to Harvard on St. Charles down there, otherwise known as Tulane University), and there's no shortage of things to do and great restaurants to eat at there. But, there's no beach nearby. How about Italy? CJG went there once, too, and he fantasizes about Italy the way Silvio Berlusconi...oh, never mind.

For now, it looks as if CJG is going to have to contend with a few more winters. But he's optimistic that a week from tomorrow, on Ground Hog Day, that varmint, who has his own web site by the way, is going to tunnel up through three feet of ice and snow, look around and demand a condo in Miami Beach because whether he sees his shadow or not, there's gonna' be at least ten more weeks of winter in these parts.